People will help you

If you hear a loud wailing noise, that's probably the echo of me screaming about evil computers. I have spent the day and the better part of my patience trying to download some new virus protection software. As a public health person the concept of virus protection appeals to me in principle.

The frustration is my ignorance and my lack of patience. Trying to be a good little Jedi Knight.

And several people have tried to help me including the people at the aforementioned software site. [Shez...you're on my list for tomorrow if I can't get make this work.]

I have tried to be open about what I don't know, in order to learn. That's gotta be a good thing, right? And people have been very generous with their time and patience trying to lead me step by step in order to meet my goals.

Interrupted this vain pursuit to go to the bank and wire several thousand dollars to Russia for our children's hospital. This lovely bank once RE-OPENED THE NATIONAL WIRE TRANSFER CAPABILITY because they had made a mistake and I urgently needed funds to get to Russia. Talk about service. People will help you if they know -why- it's important.

Am trying to be philosophical and view conquering difficulties as one of my gifts to the children of Russia. Sometimes this works. The problem one encounters is not simply what's blocking one's destined path; it becomes the next step in one's path. Or so I can think when I'm not screaming.

I am giving more thought to the process of shoving obstacles out of the way. I imagine egDau the younger pushing those giant sets off stage in between acts of the play.

In Dr. Gridlock [great name for a traffic column] today in the W.Post he talks about removing traffic obstacles, one at a time. This is my philsophy in general, One Catastrophe at a Time.

In principle, this works. In practice, it leaves me screaming with frustration. Rather like Jan L. A. van de Snepscheut's concept: In theory, there's no difference between theory and practice. In practice, there is.

*******

Not "Stuck" --- Evaluating available options

While we are on the edge of our seats waiting for the Libby verdicts, we observe that the jury seems to be held up on some issues. What is reasonable doubt? Must the government prove it was not "humanly possible" for Libby to forget? [Answer----arrrgh/RTFM]

We all encouter obstacles in our daily lives. This afternoon a tree fell across my driveway, blocking any further progress. This morning, a metaphorical tree fell across my progress with the Russian hospital work. It's been quite the time of surprise and anger, followed by cursing and general anxiety and depression. The usual meltdown. This is part of my job description I guess.

No wonder we can't find a successor. No one in their right mind would do this work, and mentally ill people do not customarily make it thru 8 years of college and go work in another country.

This was not a good day to have computer troubles thrown onto the pyre. Rains => pours. Don't they know, One Catastrophe at a Time™. OH YAY! I can't find my little trademark sign due to eponymous computer problems. Use your imagination here. YAY!! Success! Blast those obstacles!!!

When I am doing puzzles, which thankfully have no emotional content [tho I could make an exception for crosswords, since words remind us of things], I work carefully around obstacles. I never say I am "stuck." It sounds like surrender. Rather I say I am evaluating available options.

Sark said of me, without ever meeting me, that I am a "surrendering soul." This is right on so many levels. She also said eldest egDau was "exuberant" before ever meeting her. This woman has the Sight indeed.

In between crying jags I've been evaluating a whole lot of available options. This always has the same ending: a realization that I don't have the answers today, and pray to God that something brilliant will occur to me in the future.

Stepping out on faith? Hell, I'm rollarskating on faith. Hope God knows what I'm doing, because I've lost track.

*******

One catastrophe at a time

I need to do fewer things better. My sister Marilyn says the crises just have to line up, then she can handle them.

WHAT NEXT. The urgent question.

People with OCD, that wd be me, spend a lot of time thinking about SEQUENCE, what is the proper order to do things. I so get why people with more severe OCD, mine is mild, why they go into these routines of whatever, handwashing, necessity to touch or do things in a particular order, it makes them feel calm and in control at last. The poor angels!

What next can be a terrifying question. If you choose wrong, there could be terrible consequences. This is not only in families with alcoholic or rage-aholic people, yet it is understandable that where there are such people, it is painful for their family members. They are in anguish. They lash out, sometimes in ways that hurt other people. The vicious cycle continues. Hurt people hurt other people. Some of us, me included, spend an enormous amount of energy trying not to hurt other people. Turning the other cheek is giving me whiplash. Dear God I hope they get the meds right soon.

For people with OCD, they find whatever answers they can. Even if it looks abnormal from the outside.

I raise a toast to my fellow people with OCD. Maybe we're Presbyterians in spirit---"decently and in order" or Germans, who understand instinctively that there IS one optimal solution to a problem and one MUST do it that way. I'm half Presbyterian and half German. Doomed.

I see that this tendency leads to tenacity when it is important. I also observe in myself and others how it can go so wrong.

The world needs us, and our persistence and focus, but reviles those of us who have this trait in spades. Unfair.