Saturday, June 18, 2011
Wonderful movie, I identified with the one who was thrust into the spotlight wondering if people would realize he/she was really not that good, really an impostor. How often I experienced this in St. Petersburg Children's Hospital as I was interviewed by Russian television and radio, in a language I studied hard to speak and barely could evoke. But it seemed to be enough.
Cried when they played the Emperor Concerto - the only piece I ever played piano with a real orchestra [Cornell] - because I realized as they played this German music the movie was headed towards war between Britain and Germany, what now seems impossible and then must have seemed nearly so.
We all try to do the best we can, and sometimes it falls into pieces. Even so, we must carry on.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Darkest time of the year...and yet, there is still beauty. There is still joy. There is still something wonderful coming.
And if we have lost this sense of awe and purpose, then we shall have to go out and find it again.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Sunday, November 07, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Beautiful weather for sitting around the electronic campfire with family and friends. It's a funny thing to be in touch with people from so many decades and so many places in my life.
Am enjoying facebook in particular. I have some idea what my delightful nieces and nephews are up to, and don't worry, I won't tell.
My 85 year old mother just joined fb, possibly from the lure of seeing more family pictures. Years ago we would wait weeks to see baby pictures, if not available before the annual Christmas card. Now they're visible right away.
Beyond family it's been wonderful reconnecting with friends from childhood and young adulthood. These are people with stories! I'm basking in their affirmation of me as a capable person during periods of doubt. A great blessing all around.
[This lovely photo by Fiona Shields]
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Came across this poem, I love the idea of the house of tomorrow:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
-Kahlil Gibran (Our Children)
[Photo by D. Sharon Pruitt at this link]
Thursday, June 03, 2010
Friday, April 30, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
So I'm in my new home. It is so beautiful. So quiet. No garbage trucks at 6am, no commuter traffic, no neighbors below and on the other side of the wall where I need to be careful not to make noise.
I pass the morning in peace without guarding against the noise of trucks, neighbor stereos, the apartment refrigerator 5 feet from where I work. I am on guard against these things and they are gone. I am waiting and on guard for what is next. My life has been taken from me. I feel robbed. I was in a good marriage and it fell. I thought I knew what I was doing and I didnt.
I do so well even brilliantly in my work. I've been at a high level in my string of careers. [Kids: this is chronological which is why you are third.] Music - Carnegie Hall. Medicine - Mass General Hospital. Children - they are so wonderful, the treasure of my life. Community - chairman of board of health. Church - board of elders. Public health - charity founder and president and saved 3000 lives, a number which to this day I can not wrap my head around.
That we saved the child from Chechnya I get. That we saved the baby airlifted from Dagestan I get. That we saved the patient with burns I get. But 3000 is beyond my ken.
Then to work with FDL - we are pushing the edge for human rights. End of torture as a national policy. Winding down the wars. Open government where people who speak their minds will be heard and not marginalized. Human rights for all. Covering the prop8 trial and in charge of our archives, it is history. Helping our authors make the case for foreclosure fraud. I seem to be able to do this work.
Where I fail utterly is in human relationships. I am at the level of a 7 year old. I seem clueless because I am clueless. I dont get it. I dont understand what other people understand. I have to ask for help in the most elementary ways and it is so humiliating. The disconnect between my intellect and my emotional intelligence is painful. I wanted this on the record so that people will understand what I have tried to do. God bless all who have extended mercy to me as I struggle.