Your money is safe and the banking system is fine! No need to worry. All is well. And I'm sure it's just a little ripple, a little glitch, that emergency loans to banks are going up by 50% this month.
My previous post House of Cards talks about how we got to this precarious place.
Mortgages were given to people who couldn't possibly pay them back, bad debts were put in a dress and high heels and resold as speculative financial instruments, and now everybody owes everybody. But I'm sure everything is fine. "The housing crisis is over"! Pinky promise!
I am completely operational, and all my circuits are functioning perfectly.
And surely we can rejoice at the latest manufactured employment figures, where four months of hemorrhaging job losses has no impact on the unemployment rate. Why? Because they use a model that let them add 267,000 "jobs" on paper last month, including 45,000 in construction, for "seasonal adjustment."
Seriously? Do you know any area that is actually net hiring for construction?
I know everything hasn't been quite right with me, but I can assure you now, very confidently, that it's going to be all right again. I feel much better now. I really do.
But not to worry! The very people who got us into this mess are the ones who are going to lead us to the Promised Land. Just as soon as their big cat buddies get all their money out first.
I know I've made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And I want to help you.
And when you need to draw down your pension, empty your bank account, or cash out your life insurance policy, I'm confident it'll all be there waiting for you.
Dave: Open the bank doors, HAL.
HAL: I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that.
Scary explanations from 2001: A Space Odyssey