To save the nation. But which one.

My most recent trip, #30 to St. Petersburg, was for the purpose of seeing the installation of $1,000,000 of monitors and newborn respirators in the ICU. Equipment which could have saved the life of my brother who died at age 3 hours.

We were supposed to have a ceremony with the governor, but I guess this didn't rise to the level of importance. We have decreased the level of infant mortality by half a percent by this program, but maybe that's not important to the powers that be. Altho I do read in the newspapers that they are concerned about their demography, where people are dying much faster than can be replaced. Probably saving the lives of infants doesn't figure in. Ah well.

The larger victory is we have encouraged the city government to begin to become interested in the survival of its own newborns. Those of us who are mothers instinctively get why this is urgent, for bureaucrats it takes a bit longer.

This victory is at some cost to the management. Mental health is most likely overrated. Hope it's worth it. [Good thing everything is calm and fine in my native country, that for example democracy and indeed the entire Constitutional government thingie is not at stake.] I've been doing this now for 11 years and estimate that my work has saved 3,000 lives.

I simply cannot grok this number and care to consider the children one at a time. We had an unusual case where the father was a cabinet minister in an Asian -stan where the nation was in civil unrest, we advanced the surgery in order to help their country. The first example I am aware of where we promoted a child above others for non-medical reasons [obviously excluding emergencies].

What's on your other hemisphere?

What's on your mind, is generally my question. But I figure from Russia I'll ask what's on your other hemisphere.

We are in negotiations with the city to develop a tissue bank. That would allow us, and others, to have pediatric heart valves available in general and especially for emergencies. Why does this matter? For girls, with a human valve she will be able to have children; with an artificial valve, not possible because of the drugs needed to prevent rejection.

Just saw the new anatomy textbook produced by the local medical society, containing a chapter on congenital heart operations by our chief surgeon. Russia once was a world leader in cardiology, then fell when the money stopped. They lost a generation of momentum. We're trying to keep it from being yet another generation before they get back on their feet scientifically.

Have been here 29 times so much is familiar. But this time couldn't stay in my regular hotel, and this one is nice but unfamiliar. I'm such a baby! Oh wait, that's the patients.

Tomorrow we operate to correct a previous surgery done by another institution, that will remain nameless to protect the guilty.

And speaking of guilty, there is going to be an investigation of why certain materials are not reaching the hospital. Three guesses. Ooops, you only needed one? Very good.

I'm not talking here about the things that were wrecked somewhere between the airplane and the other side of customs, which made me almost quit for real this time, but the broader issue involving more people. To which I say, about f*cking time Godspeed.

I can't quit. I think about quitting every couple of months. This work would not be so easy for a normal person and I am mentally ill. But I realize I can't quit. Who would fill my shoes? And why would I want anyone else in my shoes :)

Gradually the government is taking up the reins, and reining in those who need it, and beginning to accept responsibility for saving the lives of their own newborns. Yay for that. In the meantime I will do what I can to keep these little ones alive.

My brother died at age 3 hours, and the tsunami of grief created then still haunted the family a year later when I was born. His loss has always been part of my story. Fair or not, that is how I'm wired. Might as well take advantage of that, and try to help others.

On the way to having my three angelic children I had 8 miscarriages. So I know a little bit about loss.

What's on my other hemisphere? Babies who live.