Waterslide

Neighborhood block party today, so nervous I nearly didn't go. Of course everyone was gracious to welcome the newcomer. This waterslide was directly outside my front door. Love the sound of happy children.

Good Fences Make Good Neighbors

Have you ever fantasized about that problem neighbor? The one who makes so much noise, parks his car right in front of your house, has the wild kids or pets?

And in this fantasy, the offending neighbor shows up on your doorstep and says he is sorry about causing the problem. Yeah, right like that's ever going to happen.

So while I was ruminating on how loud the downstairs neighbor lets her entire family slam the door, enough to be really frightening, I hear a knock on my door. Sure enough, it is the mom. She is sorry.

We have a lovely chat, I ask if there is anything I am doing that annoys them, and she offers that they can hear me in the kitchen. This makes sense as there isn't any carpet in the kitchen, and when I wear shoes in there it probably is loud for them. A truce was declared, and I think we can see the possibility of a friendship.

Good fences make good neighbors [h/t Robert Frost, a favorite of mine]

*******

photo by crowolf

Old age: the shrinking room

Two elderly people that I love are going thru dreadful changes in their circumstances this week.

Of course I am in denial that -I- will ever get old and feeble*, but it is disconcerting to see how these strong-willed women have their space and their lives shrinking. *Simple denial, not some hint of depressed thinking, don't worry.

One is my aunt, who is losing her mind but doesn't realize it. She is getting all the loving care possible but is still angry and resentful about her circumstances. I can understand totally, to go from independent living to round-the-clock care in two years is weird. Naturally she's angry, look what she's lost: Her home. Her friends. Her church. Her bridge club. Her neighborhood. Her city. Her really good symphony. Her mind. Not necessarily in that order.

Think about the math of the situation. Either you or your spouse/partner will die, leaving the other alone [barring hideous accidents]. You will watch your friends die. The very people you want to talk to about all these things are the ones who are so unfairly being taken away from you. I have already had some very angry conversations with God on this point. There are several Psalms that are fists in the sky/arms too short to box with God.

The other person is a neighbor, who at 91 has been able to live at home with the attention of children and neighbors. I arranged for my housekeeper to work over there part-time to help her stay independent. I don't need quite so much help since the kids have flown off. [Yes I need help but of a different kind :) ]

My neighbor fell while holding the porch door open for a visiting friend. You do these things for decades and one day these simple actions are the cause of great changes. Her children tried to treat her at home but now she is in the hospital. When I walk by her home it seems so dark. She might never return. She is willing to hear my manic verbal wanderings, stories, and worries both as a good listener and as one who wants to stay connected to what's going on with the outside world. Difficult to replace people like that.

If she lives, her mobility is likely to be restricted. I have so enjoyed watching her go up and down the street, holding her cane horizontally like a tap dancer. What, you're supposed to put it on the ground? She says "that's for old people."

I think part of why I enjoy working with the old, the feeble, the sick, and even the dying is that I totally get the loss of dignity. As a child teased for being a hillbilly and a person blessed with ADHD, I've experienced loss of dignity for quite some time. Add childbirth, and all its attendant attendants to that, and I have very little original dignity left. Raising three teenagers pretty much polished off the rest, as they were happy to inform me of my many flaws. They'll get the picture when they have teenagers.

These children used to come with me to the nursing home to visit, sing, and play piano. The residents always loved seeing my little ones, because if you think about people in their 80's and 90's, sometimes even their grandchildren are grownups. They rarely see little kids. We would go around and shake or touch the hand of each person who was up for a visit. I generally went home feeling vigorous despite crippling asthma and then-untreated depression.

With smaller families and people moving far from home, we don't experience the full range of ages unless we consciously construct it. I hoped that someone in Ohio would "adopt" my grandmother, while I was visiting others' grandparents in Massachusetts and Virginia. I no longer have babies [must. resist. talking. about. grandchildren] but work with babies at the hospital. I feel a more whole person for having people of all ages in my life.

Usually there is much joy on either end of the spectrum. But this week, thinking about life and death as I pack my suitcases to help save the lives of newborns in Russia, I ponder the shrinking room of old age.

It is undignified.

Food: enemy, fuel, or pleasure?

I have an eating disorder dating back to my teenage years.

Turbocharged by fighting back against ADHD minute to minute urges to do something anything eat?

So I learned not to eat all the time. And to push back against the desire to eat. And then the idea of cooking.

Tho I do make a mean Thanksgiving dinner. All are invited.

So I'm curious to hear about firedoglake people and egregiousBlog people and their attitude toward food. It seems...almost positive and happy. How can that be. I am open to learning and changing my attitude.

I was only in serious anorexia once, in high school when I lost 30 pounds and weighed 103 and STILL thot I was fat. A neighbor doctor helped me turn that around, bless him.

Food: the enemy, fuel, or pleasure. Discuss.

Burning out in a flame of glory

Hi nzexpat! Come on in and comment.

In the life is strange category: phone call to a friend after several months, hi how are you:

(1) She has cancer, most likely will be ok, but that 'mostly' word....kids still at home....

(2) A close relative of hers just got elected to Congress in a tight race.

Thus leaving me about as close as you will ever come to speechless.

Comment from rumi/fdl: damn,...moderation just never seems to find you, does it? Hope you're doing ok and congrats on the election.

egr:
Moderation never seems to find me---that's the story for somebody with bipolar, OCD, -and- ADHD. Colorful til we burn out in a flame of glory.

The election is in my friend's family. It was quite the one-two punch for not having heard from her in a few months.

Re the election in general, except for Lamont I am ecstatic. The SENATE. The United States SENATE. We WON. Ok and the House too. Webb...Tester...Good things can happen.