Happy to Get a Water Bill

I may be the only person in the nation to be overjoyed to get a water bill in the mail today. Well ok there is a reason. It's the first piece of mail forwarded from my new place to the old, which is how I am structuring things during the transition. Very interesting to feel that I live in two places at once.

But not a new feeling. At the height of my Russian work I was there 12% of the time. People used to ask my children "Does your mother LIVE there?" So instead of living in both hemispheres, I'll be on both coasts for a while. What an adventure!

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Evolving Dreams

Look at the first four letters of evolving, backwards.

I tried to make a new 10 year plan but just couldnt envision the goal.

Instead I am following streams of ideas that interest me. Wherever they lead, that's where my energy will be. Restoring constitutional democracy is very high on the list.

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The Beauty and Fragility of Life

It was at this very hour six years ago the terror began. The world stopped. What happened? What had we lost?

Out of that confusion and grief there has evolved an ever-growing group of patriotic Americans, roused from their sleep to take action to rebuild our nation and its place in the world.

We took stock, gradually learned not only more about what had happened that day, but about the stranglehold on our nation’s fragile democracy.

Do we act as responsible citizens in the world? Does our vote count? Do we permit torture? Do we still believe in the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, and the Geneva Conventions?

After a moment of silence to honor our collective loss six years ago, I am prepared to get to work to help the living. We’ve got a lot to do, let’s get going.

I would say that compared with six years ago, I am much more conscious of the beauty and fragility of life. Perhaps I should say, conscious once again, because as a child this awareness was with me every day.

Being at fdl has changed me in ways known and unknown. What a great gift to find all of you. All the things I’m working on continue, but in the company of this immense number of friends and colleagues. We are connected by our desire to reclaim our nation from the abyss and make the future habitable by the next generation. A toast to the fdl community.

——egregious, 11 September 2007

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And so it goes

And so after 32 years of marriage I find my self alone.

What can I say. Blessings to the family, no one did anything "wrong."
It just didn't work.

Maureen O'Hara and me

Sat next to Maureen O'Hara on a flight yesterday. She is phenomenally beautiful and graceful.

Hope I can develop a small measure of this grace, beauty, and kindness in my 80's. My mom's mom had this, so there is hope and inspiration for me :)

On the flight I watched The Holiday and was intrigued by the character Miles. The hidden treasure.

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California dreaming

On vacation for a week to visit egrDaughter in San Francisco and sit in a trance by the Pacific Ocean.

Life is good.

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My birthday today

Today is my 56th birthday. Thanks Mother!!

I feel younger than a year ago. Something about the hope I am finding at firedoglake and elsewhere. It's filling me with something new and wonderful.

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Things which divide us

I have had a couple experiences today that illuminate the deep and perhaps impossible gap between human beings. We try to hide things from others so that life in family and community is possible. But what happens when the end result is consistently pain for one person?

The danger is substance abuse and extended periods of feeling sad and angry about this decision. I would describe myself as a pre-alcoholic, it will be a struggle to see which way this goes. To submerge my own needs for others, how far exactly does that go? And my religion is frankly not helpful here, as one is to put the needs of others above one's own. Being first big sister of 7 and then a mother and then a charity president who is responsible for saving 3,000 lives no pressure there.

Is there an alternative? To speak freely? What if speaking freely would hurt the person you love. If that person is a child or a sibling who is emotionally wounded, is it the better part of love to decide not to speak plainly? Where is the line.

What if the person is someone who is not responsible for the reservoir of pain I carry around. Do I speak up, say how certain actions are hurtful? Say nothing for the ten thousandth time? I feel that I am a person deeply in debt, emotional debt and I don't know if I will ever become solvent. In the meantime, I don't want to frighten and hurt those who are in my daily life.

Need to proceed very slowly and gently with healing, to protect vital relationships. I will not speak in anger lest I hurt someone I love. I am learning to whisper a tiny bit louder so that people around me know when their actions have pushed me under when I am already close to drowning.

Happiness

Yay summer, for the person with manic depression!

I just feel happy today.

Hope all my loved ones are doing well.

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Webb and Iraq and Iran

I should be happy about the progress being made in the Senate and House Judiciary hearings, and I am to a point. I fell into a funk considering our military situation. Stepping back from the motherblog, I spent some time thinking about more mundane matters such as lovely children and my new Louboutins. It does not create a balance against the horror but I must try to find joy where possible.

But there are matters of war and peace which are slipping away from us. The Webb amendment to give troops adequate rest before being sent away to get shot at: 56 favored this, 41 against. And that means it passed? Oh no, it failed, because this was a cloture vote. Now we see who -really- supports the troops.

The Webb amendment was a compromise between historical ratios of fighting and rest, which are 2:1 for regular forces and much greater for reserves and guard. The bill would set the ratio at 1:1 for regular forces; current troops are fighting for 15 months and off for only 12. The Senate couldn't agree to 1:1? Who will agree to sign up to fight with no end in sight, for a bogus war begun based on lies about weapons of mass destruction?

It is destroying our reserves and our national guard as well. Someday we might need the guard at home. New Orleans anyone?

Then the Senate passed a bill using very provocative language about IraN, using terms like murder of US troops. This is the kind of step that can lead to more propaganda, falling into war, real war, the kind where the other country might actually strike back against us. And for what? Oil, power, our supposed ally in the Middle East?

Spare me. No, better: spare our troops.

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July 4: Everybody Can Do Something

What to do:

Everybody can do something:

Lead. Follow. Support. Teach. Learn.

See something that's not being done? Give yourself a battlefield promotion: you do it, or organize a group of people to get the job done.

See somebody else being an effective leader? Follow their directions and their guidance.

Are there people and groups doing amazing this that you admire? Support their efforts with funds, publicity, and words of encouragement. Hint: firedoglake fundraiser in progress to support the next chapter of Janevision and Marcyvision.

Have you figured out a little of what is going on? Teach others, whether children or adults. Most people do NOT know how far things have gone. Explain it to them.

Do things seem really confused? Learn more. Maybe things will still be confusing, but at a much higher level.

Everybody can do something.

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Libby sentence commuted

Message to fellow firedoglake pups, 8:45 this morning

Fifteen minutes til the White House switchboard is open. Please be kind to the operators, who face a brutal day.

As do the people we are savaging in Iraq.

As do the people we are neglecting in the U.S.

Anger = energy. Use it. Focus.

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