Waiting for the baby to be born

It feels like waiting for a baby to be born, the intense excitement surrounding our vigil at the courthouse. People from around the world are waiting and watching with us.

In my post last week about my day as one of the firedoglake court people, I left out a really cool part of the story.

Ok two cool parts. Jane and I both wore our Louboutins to the courtroom, Jane today and me last Tuesday. FDL women rock!! I saw those shoes in an ad and had to have them or die. But they served a purpose, to divert Byron York :) He kept turning around in the courtroom to look at me.

Now the serious story:
On the corridor between the media room and the coffee vendor, a path which is surely well-trodden, there are two glass display cases.

One has documents from the Teapot Dome Scandal. The other is empty.

I pose that they are waiting for documents from this trial. Can you fit our entire blog into the glass case? Probably yes.

It's such an exciting time that people who have mood swings [that's me waving hi] are having a difficult time keeping stable.

This is history in the making. But for now this is hysteria in the making.

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ps Yes I did talk with Senator Webb last night. How is he doing in the Senate? GAME ON. Hope he can convince other senators soon enough about Iraq and Iran. MTP asks him like every week to be on but he's busy with constituents. How rude, to turn down celebrity for the sake of ordinary people. For his State of the Union rebuttal he was handed a script by a person who will remain anonymous to protect the banal. Script => wastebasket. The rest is history. "A star is born."

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Setting a good example

Three kinds of good examples today.

My pilates teacher, fellow Cherokee, who is being very brave in handling all things as her husband is in Iraq for a year. Oh yes, and more, as he is being stop lossed. They have a baby who is growing up without dad.

My commenters here at egregiousBlog who are sharing very personal and painful details of their lives. I am in awe. You guys are the greatest. You are inspiring not only me but many others who benefit from your example of courage. Keep up the good work.

A new senator that I had the good fortune to speak with again this evening. He totally gets it about Iraq and Iran, the depletion of our military, the necessity of finding a new way home.

And WHAT is that yellow thing in the sky, seems to be melting the snow?? Is it related to waiting for the jurors in the Libby trial? For those of us who are watching and waiting, everything in the world seems related to the trial.

JUSTICE. And soon please God.
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Let other people step up...hard for me

"Great minds discuss ideas
Mediocre minds discuss events
Small minds discuss people"

At FDL, blog minds multitask and can discuss everything simultaneously, at least here at the lake.

Heaven for people with ADHD. So much semi-connected stuff flying by, this is how we perceive the world in general. It’s home.

People are responding to my being sad about not being there with Jane, I could have prevented her from losing her phone---which I did once already---glasses, and wallet, and from being there to pick Marcy up from the airport at 11pm. I said I was doing my Russian work and where are my priorities?

HotFlash: "Don't worry, someone will turn them in at the Lost and Found. (((((((Egregious)))))))" LOL!!!

proudprogressive:
Egregious i guess there is a lesson there in letting go…see there are people who do step up, as they can, when they, in ways that they can. We must believe in community. Its not all on us as individuals..Will that bill pass tomarrow IF i am not there in the gallery. I made my calls to the reps. Point is we do as we can,when we can.

Besides not being there gave others a chance to step up for Jane and FDL. And likewise all these over welming socio/political issues. gotta trust those who can do, will do. And in fact are doing. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

So in order to prevent burn out we must give ourselves permission to not be all things, to all people ALL the time..

and the beauty part is ..its all turning out just fine. i second TSF..yay for the turner in lady !!!! (who turned in Jane's phone and wallet) [end quote]

---------Thank you lovely friends. This is healing.

Lead. Follow. SUPPORT. Teach. Learn.
Everyone can do something.
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Second sight---blessing or curse?

Seeing into the future. They call us mentally ill, but in the past we were called the seers. The visionaries. The ones who could see the future.

We are your scouts, your birds returning with branches to the ark, your canaries in the mine.

I have the second sight but it is painful.

We are different and strange but you need us. Don't exile us for being difficult to understand. Many times we don't even understand ourselves.
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Everyone can do something

Lead. Follow. Support. Teach. Learn.
Everyone can do something to help.

I'm working on a list of reasons why people feel that they can't help, and some ideas for them.

No money---give time and encouragement.

Don't know any families in need---even in communities that look wealthy there are pockets of hidden need. Local ministers might be able to point you in the right direction.

Live in isolation or homebound---work remotely on the internet. Pray or send positive energy for those who need it.

Too needy oneself---sometimes doing for others is a reality check and a strange source of encouragement. During the worst of my depression years I would take the wee lassies and go sing at the local nursing home. They made me feel useful, young, and vigorous. A win-win.

Handicapped oneself---get together with other people and encourage each other. Together see if you can figure out some way of reaching out to the community.

Everyone can do something.
Lead. Follow. Support. Teach. Learn.

Quote of the Day, from Tom Maxwell of Squirrel Nut Zippers:

"I realized partly through this [his small son's cancer] that in all things I needed to be relentlessly loving and lovingly relentless."

Doesn't that just make you want to cry.
Sometimes we help most by setting a good example.
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Rest? What would that be like?

No verdict today in the Libby trial.

It's been fun, in a manic kind of way, to share this waiting experience with thousands of FDL folk. I'm feeling happy about being given a set of keys to help behind the scenes. I have a set of keys for our department at the children's hospital in Russia. It makes me feel that I am included and needed, both important to my psyche.

So many comments made me laugh out loud. When I suggested that sufficient pacing would constitute aerobic exercise, Rayne said she was at that moment trying to figure out how to connect her laptop to her treadmill. Commenter squirrel hiller asked who else had a blood pressure cuff right by the keyboard. Looseheadprop and littleprop talked about prosecutor mom jumping 10 feet every time the phone rang. HAHA I typed rant. It's a habit.

It's been that kind of a day.

So when the news came, no need to keep the vigil until Monday, all of a sudden I was SO TIRED. I have several interesting projects for this evening which have mostly lost their appeal. I don't want to do anything. Well...maybe some puzzles :) But all other plans will apparently have to wait until tomorrow.

Is this what other people experience, the setting down of work, and the adoption of, what do you call it, rest?

I am the mother of three. The oldest of seven. The daughter of a bipolar parent. The founder of a charity that literally saves lives. If I ever knew what rest was, I have forgotten.

Rest, relaxation, re-creation. A different set of keys. I need them too.
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The dove and the kindergarten child

As if to underscore yesterday's post on spiritual communication with animals, today there was a dove trapped in my garage, banging into the windows looking for escape. Finally she rested on one window sill, probably wondering what next, the urgent question for those of us with OCD. I spoke to her calmly as I gradually eased closer, explaining that I would open the other garage door for her but it would be noisy, and not to be afraid. The door opened with what was probably an awful sound to a small bird. She waited without flinching. Then I slowly came closer and moved my arms in the direction of the open door. She flew out.

A dove, sign of peace, as we rush to another war of aggression, against a country that is by all accounts YEARS away from even having a nuclear weapon, Iran. Will the mainstream media report on the 2003 diplomatic overture from Iran through the Swiss which offered to settle all outstanding obstacles? Of course our leaders threw it in the wastebasket. Can they pick it up again and smooth out the wrinkles?

I fear there will be a false flag incident which will be blamed on Iran. They have even given us little clues, that "Iranian" mines are endangering U.S. ships. So when the newspapers report that Iran has "attacked" one of our ships and we must go to war, what will we do? God help us.

I was trying to silence my mental white noise today and listen to the still small voice of God. Sometimes there are sufficient coincidences that even I must admit they rise to the level of synchronicities, events which are spiritually related. On the way to an appointment I planned to go to the bank's drive-thru. But there were delays.

First, the above mentioned dove. Then, a construction detour on my customary route. Finally, an extended stop for a school bus waiting for a kindergarten child to get everything organized for the big step off the bus. It took so long that the driver closed the bus door and let a couple cars go on. But I waited to see the outcome. Finally the wee lad came forth and crossed the street to his waiting mother. They have 6th graders as patrol guards in the morning and afternoon, but the mid-day kindergarten busses need them as well. Perhaps parents of five yr olds are sufficiently involved that this treacherous crossing of the dangerous street is guarded well enough.

Those of us who follow national politics, including the Libby trial, observe that there are some other treacherous crossings to concern us, and I wonder if we have enough patrol guards.
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The dog whisperer

Second sight. Is it from our understanding of animals?

A fox ran across my lawn this morning. She thinks she lives here, and I will not dissuade her. Is this where cats evolved from? Her legs mix back and forth so quickly I can hardly see how she moves. The quick brown fox indeed [jumps over the lazy zebra/dog or some such typing exercise].

I need more time with animals. Not so easy when my allergist forbids most interesting pets. Have you read Temple Grandin and her autism and her relationship with animals? That will have to be another post but let me say I totally get her perspective. I don't think I'm autistic---who knows maybe I am it would CERTAINLY explain a lot---but I understand the feeling of being overwhelmed by input from the world, retreat to save one's sanity, and the elemental goodness of relating to young children and animals.

My children persuaded me to keep the anoles they had in science class, requiring little except for weekly trips to the pet store to buy live crickets for food. The poor crickets! And so each week I would be there, again, wondering in amazement at the things we do because we love our children.

On my daily forest sanity walks I see birds, squirrels, ducks, geese, and swans every day. Yes in fact I DO know how lucky I am. I feel my Cherokee ancestry when I communicate with animals. And I hope to see my beloved deer. They know the sound of my voice, and swish their tails in response to hand gestures I make to mimic their flattened ears when they are happy. They feel safe around me. If only I could feel safe around other, larger creatures.

These larger creatures, humans, can be scary to those of us who do not easily read nor understand social cues. I have to have the rules spelled out for me. In new social situations I feel that I am swimming in the deep end and have forgotten how to swim. That covers a great deal of my high anxiety around the day at the Libby trial. My mind is advanced but those brain cells came out of the social adaptability center, wherever it is. Talk about working in the yellow zone, this was all the way to red.

So why, then, would I reply in the affirmative to an invitation to meet complete strangers over a lasanga dinner for our county Democratic party? Using a cattle prod my rational mind, I remembered that I promised our local state rep that I would become more involved with the local party. His car was parked in front of mine at the last election [Webb!!] so I viewed it as a sign and introduced myself.

On today's cattle prod-induced voluntary walk, I encountered my neighbor who has taken in a shelter dog who was abused. I also am a sponsor of a little dog named Bingo who was found wandering the streets and starving. I wish he could live with me but the allergies.... So my neighbor was only too glad to hear what was going on in my life, and it occurred to me how lucky I am to have a dog whisperer living next door.

Thank you God for putting such people in my life. I NEED THEM as one needs water.
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Fitzgerald's closing statement

History in the making.

Patrick Fitzgerald's closing in U.S. v. Libby, recorded by Marcy Wheeler, edited for spelling.

"DONT YOU THINK THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ARE ENTITLED TO ANSWERS? If as a result his [Wilson's] wife had a job, she worked at CPD, she gets dragged into newspapers. People want to find out was a law broken, people want to know, who did it. What role did Defendant play. What role did VP play? He told you he may have discussed this with VP. Don't you think FBI deserves straight answers? When you go in that jury room, your common sense will tell you that he made a gamble. He threw sand in the eyes of the FBI. He stole the truth of the judicial system. If you return guilty you give truth back."

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Fitzgerald, as recorded by Sidney Blumenthal of Salon. [I briefly sat next to him at the trial on February 13.]

"He stole the truth from the judicial system," Fitzgerald told the jury. "If you return a guilty verdict, you give the truth back."

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Comment by attorney looseheadprop on Fitzgerald's Opening Statement---

"It takes, all in one unified moment: nerves of steel, total humility, exquisitely nuanced taste/discretion, and a total belief in the “rightness” of the evidence to dare so simple and stark a presentation. It was like Shaker furniture, or the glistening perfection of a white marble Doric column. Weeks later, I am still blown away by it and cannot get it out of my head."

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Keep in mind that I was just an alternate who was available when one of our regulars missed a couple of days. This from commenter Sandia Blanca:

'I never realized adrenaline could be transmitted electronically, but today’s blogging brought thousands of us close to the pervasive power of JUSTICE! Fitz is my hero, and Jane, Christy, Marcy, Jeralyn, Swopa, Pachacutec, egregious, TRex, et al., are the picture window into this momentous trial.
We cannot thank you enough for the service you have done, and continue to do, for us and our nation. Now I’m tearing up (shades of Wells?). Thank you!!!! "

I was available for liveblogging but Marcy handled everything beautifully. So it was my privilege just to watch and add a few notes last Tuesday when Hannah testified Libby was a very busy man. I've been busy too but am pretty sure I would remember outing one of our nation's undercover assets. The press people in the courtoom tried not to laugh out loud when a juror question was read, if Libby forgets so much, can he really do his job as National Security Advisor?

Jury instructions tomorrow. We wait for justice.

Knowledge is delicious

This morning I was having fun researching the proposed skyscraper for St. Petersburg, Russia, the first building over a few stories in the entire city. For Gazprom, it would be in the shape of a natural gas flame, and blue, and astonishingly tall compared with the rest of the city. Architectural and aesthetic battles are ongoing.

While looking up the proposed location, I discovered the Google map showing where it was. This program is not new but I've not been able to find very much in St. Petersburg before. It was all fuzzy, no resolution possible, so they said. I have to believe we have long had the capacity to see quite clearly from sky to ground there.

So hey! Let's look up the children's hospital, there it is! I felt like waving hi or something. Then looked up the city center and my colleagues' apartment buildings.

That was great, what about on the home front. I switched it from Map to Satellite and headed on over to North America. Now we see what the astronauts and cosmonauts see: land with no stripes and words on it. I was astonished how much I think of our country with the state lines and labeled cities on it. Even around Washington it took me a while to find familiar territory.

Zooming in and out gave a very different sense of perspective of how close things were to each other. I kept wanting to switch to Map, to get boundaries and names, but resisted as an experiment. Finally I found chez egregious, and traced the path of my forest sanity walks. It was different that I had supposed.

And so does our perspective vary on other matters, life, politics, creativity. I am experimenting with different levels of perspective in these areas, somewhat uncharted terrority.

I feel that I am looking in Satellite view, and would like to find familiar places with Map. But this time I must draw my own maps.

Into the Breach? No thanks

I decided not to see the movie Breach for now, even tho it's filmed in my own town. Which of course means part of the story took place here as well.

When we heard the story some years ago it was shocking to realize the transactions of documents and money took place in our local park. The kids around here used to go over and do Creek Cleanups to make the environment better. It's not out of the question they could have thrown out one of those bags.

Being in the Libby trial courtroom last week was very interesting but also a little scary. Matters of war and peace, espionage, alleged treason, these are serious. I tend to get overstimulated even by normal events in life, so this day took a while to recover from.

So on the eve of the trial's closing statements, is this a good time to watch a spy movie based on a true story within one mile of my home?

Maybe some other time.

Mental health open house

What's on your mind?

My goals for today include trying to stay calm, getting an outside walk of any length [freezing] and sticking with my drinking plan. It's gone well for the last 3 days.