Friday, January 12, 2007

Dreams of the future

Talking with one of my children about the future. It makes all those years of peanut butter sandwiches and carpools worth it. Don't ask me about the teenage arguments :)

What they want to do in the many possibilities. Addressing egregious social problems, raising children, making money to provide for a comfortable life, trying to make the world better for the future. How to make all goals work out.

I have to look back with some satisfaction that I have already made these decisions, and for me they worked out. I did have ferrari children [don't ask me about their bipolar/teenage crises], I did make enough money to have a comfortable living, and I have had the privilege to address larger issues i.e. saving the lives of children in Russia while working for peace there.

Making things better here in the US? Slow going. Molasses. Donating/killing brain cells thru alcoholic madness. What the bloody hell---literally---ARE we doing in Iraq/Iran. Are we the Matrix, carrying out the will of another country? I hope I'm wrong.

There are terrorist threats from Iraq and Iran, yes, but for others, not for the United States. What does it mean, "existential threat." I am more sympathetic to that than you might imagine, being depressed, I am all over existential threats. But how does that translate into sending our young men and women into battle?


egregious said...

Mental illness open house. Welcome to my world.

What's on your mind?

GrandmaJ said...

egregious - just finished reading the rest of the comments on the last thread. It is so great to have people who do not dismiss my bouts of depression as a personality defect. Which, unfortunately my children do.

Read NZ comment about repetitive motions and, boy, that certainly is what quilting can be. Cutting and sewing 250 triangles togehter is repetitive. And I hand quilt my quilt. It takes me about 2 months. I sit and take millions and millions of small stitches. I challenege myself to make them very, very small.

Then I listen to music. And watch a movie. It is the best escape. I have 3 quilts tops ready to hand stitch. Maybe I should get to them.

Nature vs. nuture ... I don't know. But I love my kids and they love me. And we are finding a way forward. But as I am alone (no siblings, parents passed away), my kids are my family. There is no one else. And as I do not make friends easily, I find myself alone. Maybe that is what I prefer...

but I AM going to Chicago. That is a step. Have to stop ranting... thanks for this place. should have come earlier...

egregious said...


You have more friends than you realize if you count us on fdl.

Bouts of depression are most certainly NOT a personality defect. People have a lot to learn about depression.

Would they see diabetes, and the need to take medicine for it, as a personality defect?

Good for you for going to Chicago. I hope you have a fabulous time.

Come on over anytime and talk. I'll be in and out the next couple of weeks from travel for my hospital work, but I'll try to check back for comments.

Grandmaj said...

Friends are good!!! FDL friends -- the best. Have a good, safe and successful trip to Russia. You are a light to your children and to the kids you help.