Why I am so successful working in Russia is when I make my usual interpersonal and social mistakes they just chalk it up to my being a foreigner. Sometimes I feel like a foreigner everywhere.
Usually it’s safer for me to hide at home and not Talk With People™.
The fact that I was willing to come forth and work in public, attend fundraisers for Webb, etc, demonstrates my patriotic love for our country. It was hard.
I came out of my turtle shell to attend the Libby trial Tuesday, when Fitzgerald demolished Hannah with a couple of quick questions about Libby being So Busy On Matters Of Urgent Scary National Importance [and Scary Terrorist Threats!!!!], yet available for 1-2 hours with Judy Miller. Where they discussed nothing much. Except for outing an undercover CIA agent during time of war. One who was in charge of investigations regarding weapons of mass destruction for Iraq and Iran. Oh, well, no biggie.
May I say for the record, as the daughter of a city prosecutor, this was a dream come true, to watch the most important prosecutor of our time establishing his case, brick by brick.
One thing about our blogger trial coverage [in today's NYT!] is we have a lot of people working while wounded. Those of us who have faced serious illness are more willing to use our remaining energy and time on earth standing up to injustice. We recognize that our earthly life might be very short. Time’s awastin’, need to act. Burn the candle at both ends, hell, melt it down if that will save people.
I think I’m kind of a child prodigy in a grownup body. On an intellectual level things work well but when interacting with the world it seems overwhelming. I feel that I have made too many mistakes.
I've stopped eating again. Trying to make myself smaller. Shame attack. Long history of anorexia and eating disorders. I trust this will be temporary. Yes, meds, psychiatrist, friends, all that stuff. Sometimes my defensive perimeter is breached.
And so? I feel that I am on a journey of self-exploration where the outcome matters. In my two previous journeys I raised three children and started a charity that has saved the lives of 2,000 children. So need to take this new journey seriously. Is it mania to think you can save the world? The world needs us. I can save the world, unlike most people, but can I save myself?