Sunday, October 14, 2007

I can save lives. No pressure there.

Why me God? Yes I can save lives but why do you choose me for this I am weak and cannot carry this burden.

I have saved the lives of 3,000 Russian children which is a totally unbearable fact. I can scarcely bear the knowledge that I have saved the life of a single baby. How can I handle this knowledge. Where do I put it.

And on a more understandable level I think I have contributed to saving the lives of several young people. No pressure! One Christmas we had eight people on suicide watch. All lived. Dear God why do you ask me to stand between when I myself am on the cliff.

When my children were teenagers I always had a jigsaw puzzle going in the room right by the front door. Their friends were welcome to sit down and play with the pieces while they spilled about their lives. I have had confirmation of two lives saved this way and feel there were others.

It is humbling and something I almost dont want to think about, except for the obligation to share knowledge about something simple to do to stand between vulnerable people and the cliff for I have so been there, so often. I thank those who stood at the bleeding edge and demanded that I move back and who held me while I cried my eyes out thank you all, you share in the 3,000 lives I have saved and the unknown number who wait while i look for support for the next leap into being brave.

No pressure.

Josh Groban:

Let me fall
Let me climb
There's a moment when fear
And dreams must collide

Someone I am
Is waiting for courage
The one I want
The one I will become
Will catch me

So let me fall
If I must fall
I won't heed your warnings
I won't hear them

Let me fall
If I fall
Though the phoenix may
Or may not rise

I will dance so freely
Holding on to no one
You can hold me only
If you too will fall
Away from all these
Useless fears and chains

Someone I am
Is waiting for my courage
The one I want
The one I will become
Will catch me

So let me fall
If I must fall
I won't heed your warnings
I won't hear

Let me fall
If I fall
There's no reason
To miss this one chance
This perfect moment
Just let me fall


*******

16 comments:

egregious said...

Can you stand between a friend and the cliff? Because it might come to that

Anonymous said...

egr-

eloquent.

and, sometimes we don't have as direct evidence as you do.

I had a downstairs neighbor in grad school, who I really enjoyed getting to know. I was totally stunned, after we had been friends for quite some time, when he said to me "Thank you for treating me like a normal person".

I never learned the details of his history. But, it was a lesson for me- that often one never really knows the personal anguish that others have experienced.

VG

Teddy said...

Thanks for all you do, and for reminding us how we help.

You are precious to many.

egregious said...

vg, teddy,

thank you for your words of encouragement. you never know when you will be the one who stands between someone and the edge

Loo Hoo. said...

egregious,

You are such an important part the FDL community. You are always kind and sensible, even during the toughest times. You are an inspiration.

Peterr said...

You've got a gift, egregious. Lots of 'em, in fact. Now if it was *me* in the operating room, there'd be 3000 fewer Russian babies around. You've got your gifts, and I've got mine.

But don't let those gifts worry you. There's no pressure at all, when that's what you know you can do.

And those friends, standing next to the edge of the cliff? They've got gifts, too. *That's* why you stand there -- because you know that.

You're not alone, egregious. And neither are they.

Thanks for the post.

Peterr

egregious said...

peterr,

You were so there for me during my meltdown last summer in Russia. Please accept my grateful thanks. These trips have become almost unbearable and I wonder what is the cost.

Anonymous said...

Peterr,

Knowing you, I assume you meant by your comment about a lesser number of Russian babies that you have negative talent for surgery, and would have been a disaster in the operating room. Not that this would have been your active choice. Just wanted to clarify, because your comment might possibly be misread!

VG

Peterr said...

VG -- Absolutely. I can pull splinters out of my little kid's knee, but that's as far as my so-called medical talents go.

Thank God it's egregious in that Russian OR, and not me!

Thanks for clarifying.

Peterr

Peterr said...

Egregious @ 6:18

Вы радушны

egregious said...

loo hoo.

i thank you

Anonymous said...

I've never saved lives but have counseled a few to overcome a life problem on their own. Some people come in panic, "What should I do?" My approach is to say "calm down, tell me the real problem" and ask questions and gently lead them to find their own answer. A lot better than 'advice'!

And I've got broad shoulders and can stand on the edge of the cliff as a shield. :-)

moose (fdl)

egregious said...

i met today with my board of directors who are alarmed at the emotional cost of these trips and i promised to take that into account in my future plans, this would be new for me, for in all past trips i have counted myself as nothing

Peterr said...

Egr --

Sounds like you have an actual board of directors, and not a bunch of rubber stamps who will sign off on whatever the CEO says.

Good for you!

Rayne Today said...

We on this side of your blog, egregious, can save 3000+ lives, too -- but most us can only do that if we stand between our friend and the cliff. And so we stand, at the ready, as needed.

NZ Expat, now in KS said...

egregious....

I'm losing track of the changes in your life...maybe not my business anyway. But, you were a big encouragement to me in the past, in the present, and continuing. Do not hesitate to call on me. Do you still have my email address?