Saturday, December 09, 2006

And yet...

"Yet" is one of my new favorite words. It contains so much hope.

I can't do that -- yet.

I don't understand that -- yet.

This problem* cannot be solved -- yet.

[*Ok fellow math geeks, yes there are some unsolvable math problems!]

11 comments:

The Head Bartender said...

Hi Egregious, just sending a little love your way. It's Twisted here. Head Bartender is my blogger name. Anyway, we'll have to have a discussion about my Dad sometime. He is wicked bipolar, never been diagnosed, never been treated. My brother is also, but takes medicine and is doing very well. Cheers!

egregious said...

Hey TM!

Yea my Dad didn't get treatment for anything til near the end of his life.

How different his life would have been--and mine.

Welcome to my humble blog!

Anonymous said...

Hi, egregious! It's atdnext here (Andrew Davey is my name in the real world as well as Blogger). I just wanted to check out your blog...
I really appreciate this post...
I haven't been able to speak with my mother for quite a while...
She could very well be schizophrenic, or something else (?), but my dad and I can't know for sure because she refuses to get any type of help.

I figured all I can do now is hope that she tries to reach out to us soon... The last time I tried to call her, she changed her number.

Oh yeah, and I like this post. : )

egregious said...

Welcome Andrew!

Would like to learn more about your mom. There can be other conditions short of schizophrenia that could account for behavior like this.

Our family recently came out of a similar situation, bringing back a brother who had been estranged from everybody for two years. It was a long struggle, but I was determined that my mother should not die without hearing from him. He's ADHD and bipolar.

Anonymous said...

Well, my mother is...
Excuse me, it's hard for me to say this...
She's delusional.

She thinks that half the world (including me and my dad) are out to kill her and collect million of dollars of life insurance policies that we all supposedly hold on her...
She thinks that "demons" are everywhere, and that my dad and I are possessed by multiple "demons"...
She hears things that no one else hears...
What does that sound like to you, and is there something I can do?
The Holidays are just not the same without my mom.

egregious said...

Andrew--that does indeed sound like schizophrenia.

There are some meds for that now, not perfect but maybe they would help. Is there anyone your mom trusts, who could get her to the doctor for an evaluation?

Maybe she would trust you briefly for this purpose, you could get in under her radar somehow.

Anonymous said...

The only thing I can think of is to have someone from her church take her for help...

When I tried joint therapy with her, she showed up the first time to accuse me of ruining her life...
And then when time came for the next appointment, she was a no-show...
We tried to convince her that it's OK to see a mental health professional about this...
But she insisted that the church would "take care" of her, and that she'd talk with a "Christian counselor".

I've felt like I'm at the end of my rope for quite some time...
If my mom doesn't "trust" me for this or for that, how could I convince her to seek help?
How can I get "under her radar"?

I know this is a toughie...
You've already been such great help for me, egregious! : )

egregious said...

Andrew--

Unless your Mom is a Christian Scientist or a very far right fundamentalist, both of whom believe prayer cures everything so no need for doctors, then the church can help.

They can help by making an appointment for your Mom and going with her and following up on any prescription for meds.

If she really has schizophrenia, which I'm sorry to say might be the case, it will be difficult for her to trust you until she gets the meds right. You can continue to do kind things for her, when you get the phone number call and visit, always showing respect for how afraid she is, always being gentle.

Bring a small gift every time, like some flowers or a handwritten note about how much you love her. Maybe she will re-read the note in a moment of lucidity. She is lucky to have a son who continues to care for her as she slips into darkness.

Anonymous said...

"Unless your Mom is a Christian Scientist or a very far right fundamentalist, both of whom believe prayer cures everything so no need for doctors..."

Ummm... That's part of the problem as well...

http://religiousmovements.lib.virginia.edu/nrms/calvary.html

She's part of Calvary Chapel, a VERY FAR RIGHT FUNDY church.

http://www.ocweekly.com/news/news/jesus-kills/24576/

Yes, there are some level-headed folks there who understand 20th-century science...
And then, there are pastors there who speak of psychology as "Satan's way to play with your mind"...

In fact, when she started developing this conspiracy theory about three years ago, one of the pastors "helping us out" was telling her that she needed to rid the house of all those "demons"...

I don't know if she's still talking to her women's Bible study friends...
She used to be so close to them, but then she became suspicious of them as well...

What can I do?
Should I try to talk with anyone in that church?

egregious said...

Andrew---wo. Ok so the church might not be so helpful here. Does she have any friends, including from earlier in her life, that you think are reasonable? That might be willing to help a friend in her time of need?

Also does she have a regular doctor, you can call and talk to him/her about this issue. Do you live in a small town where people know each other or is it larger and more anonymous?

My heart goes out to you. This is a tough one.

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately, it seems like all her "reasonable" friends, even the ones from her women's Bible study, have been scared away ever since her condition began to deteriorate...

For a while, it seemed like the only person she had left was my dad...

He truly is a saint! Even after my mom lashed out at him, he always came back to her help...
But now, she turned him away again.

Fortunately, my dad and my mom still see the same rhumetologist (He has back problems, she has arthritis)...
And, my dad still has the number for her oncologist (who's also her general practicioner)...

Oh, and yes, we live in a pretty spread out metro area...
Orange County, CA...
Even though (I think) my mom (still?) lives only a couple of miles away from my dad's house, we've haven't seen her for a couple of months now.