Break Away

crossposted at firedoglake 27 october 2007



When I first thought about this video I laughed, thinking it would be a great invitation to conservatives who want to run away screaming from the administration and join us good guys.

But really this is for all of you, my dear pups, who are facing a challenge and need that extra little bit of encouragement to take the next small or big step.

Like all my late nite videos for you, it speaks to my heart as well. Here's hoping for the best for all of us who are stepping out into the unknown, whether it be political or personal, into a new space and time and way of thinking.

May all of us find the courage we need to move to the next place.

"Take a risk, take a chance, make a change, and break away." And please, take care of each other.

*******

Space Between

crossposted at firedoglake 20 october 2007





This video works for me on about five levels and not only because I like to play in the rain. Those of us who follow political events feel caught in some kind of time warp where we see things almost happen in Congress and then can't believe they've messed up again.

Do they hear us? We are in that space between, where we have knowledge of something important and are trying to raise the alarm. We feel a sense of urgency and can't understand why others don't.

Life may always feel a little off balance for those of us who are trying to create change. I wonder what I would be doing with my time if this administration had not totally shoved us into ruin.

But for the moment I'm seeing the glass half full. We---and I don't mean the progressive left, I mean FDL---are most likely responsible for one of those Blue Dog votes flipping this week. Reports of progressive victories are coming from very Red places like Alaska. Dodd and Feingold and Whitehouse are stepping up. And our reputation as one of the best communities in the blogosphere continues to grow.

Let's do what we can here in the space between. And please, take care of each other.

*******

I can save lives. No pressure there.

Why me God? Yes I can save lives but why do you choose me for this I am weak and cannot carry this burden.

I have saved the lives of 3,000 Russian children which is a totally unbearable fact. I can scarcely bear the knowledge that I have saved the life of a single baby. How can I handle this knowledge. Where do I put it.

And on a more understandable level I think I have contributed to saving the lives of several young people. No pressure! One Christmas we had eight people on suicide watch. All lived. Dear God why do you ask me to stand between when I myself am on the cliff.

When my children were teenagers I always had a jigsaw puzzle going in the room right by the front door. Their friends were welcome to sit down and play with the pieces while they spilled about their lives. I have had confirmation of two lives saved this way and feel there were others.

It is humbling and something I almost dont want to think about, except for the obligation to share knowledge about something simple to do to stand between vulnerable people and the cliff for I have so been there, so often. I thank those who stood at the bleeding edge and demanded that I move back and who held me while I cried my eyes out thank you all, you share in the 3,000 lives I have saved and the unknown number who wait while i look for support for the next leap into being brave.

No pressure.

Josh Groban:

Let me fall
Let me climb
There's a moment when fear
And dreams must collide

Someone I am
Is waiting for courage
The one I want
The one I will become
Will catch me

So let me fall
If I must fall
I won't heed your warnings
I won't hear them

Let me fall
If I fall
Though the phoenix may
Or may not rise

I will dance so freely
Holding on to no one
You can hold me only
If you too will fall
Away from all these
Useless fears and chains

Someone I am
Is waiting for my courage
The one I want
The one I will become
Will catch me

So let me fall
If I must fall
I won't heed your warnings
I won't hear

Let me fall
If I fall
There's no reason
To miss this one chance
This perfect moment
Just let me fall


*******

Happy to Get a Water Bill

I may be the only person in the nation to be overjoyed to get a water bill in the mail today. Well ok there is a reason. It's the first piece of mail forwarded from my new place to the old, which is how I am structuring things during the transition. Very interesting to feel that I live in two places at once.

But not a new feeling. At the height of my Russian work I was there 12% of the time. People used to ask my children "Does your mother LIVE there?" So instead of living in both hemispheres, I'll be on both coasts for a while. What an adventure!

*******

Evolving Dreams

Look at the first four letters of evolving, backwards.

I tried to make a new 10 year plan but just couldnt envision the goal.

Instead I am following streams of ideas that interest me. Wherever they lead, that's where my energy will be. Restoring constitutional democracy is very high on the list.

*******

The Beauty and Fragility of Life

It was at this very hour six years ago the terror began. The world stopped. What happened? What had we lost?

Out of that confusion and grief there has evolved an ever-growing group of patriotic Americans, roused from their sleep to take action to rebuild our nation and its place in the world.

We took stock, gradually learned not only more about what had happened that day, but about the stranglehold on our nation’s fragile democracy.

Do we act as responsible citizens in the world? Does our vote count? Do we permit torture? Do we still believe in the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, and the Geneva Conventions?

After a moment of silence to honor our collective loss six years ago, I am prepared to get to work to help the living. We’ve got a lot to do, let’s get going.

I would say that compared with six years ago, I am much more conscious of the beauty and fragility of life. Perhaps I should say, conscious once again, because as a child this awareness was with me every day.

Being at fdl has changed me in ways known and unknown. What a great gift to find all of you. All the things I’m working on continue, but in the company of this immense number of friends and colleagues. We are connected by our desire to reclaim our nation from the abyss and make the future habitable by the next generation. A toast to the fdl community.

——egregious, 11 September 2007

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And so it goes

And so after 32 years of marriage I find my self alone.

What can I say. Blessings to the family, no one did anything "wrong."
It just didn't work.

Maureen O'Hara and me

Sat next to Maureen O'Hara on a flight yesterday. She is phenomenally beautiful and graceful.

Hope I can develop a small measure of this grace, beauty, and kindness in my 80's. My mom's mom had this, so there is hope and inspiration for me :)

On the flight I watched The Holiday and was intrigued by the character Miles. The hidden treasure.

*******

California dreaming

On vacation for a week to visit egrDaughter in San Francisco and sit in a trance by the Pacific Ocean.

Life is good.

*******

My birthday today

Today is my 56th birthday. Thanks Mother!!

I feel younger than a year ago. Something about the hope I am finding at firedoglake and elsewhere. It's filling me with something new and wonderful.

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Things which divide us

I have had a couple experiences today that illuminate the deep and perhaps impossible gap between human beings. We try to hide things from others so that life in family and community is possible. But what happens when the end result is consistently pain for one person?

The danger is substance abuse and extended periods of feeling sad and angry about this decision. I would describe myself as a pre-alcoholic, it will be a struggle to see which way this goes. To submerge my own needs for others, how far exactly does that go? And my religion is frankly not helpful here, as one is to put the needs of others above one's own. Being first big sister of 7 and then a mother and then a charity president who is responsible for saving 3,000 lives no pressure there.

Is there an alternative? To speak freely? What if speaking freely would hurt the person you love. If that person is a child or a sibling who is emotionally wounded, is it the better part of love to decide not to speak plainly? Where is the line.

What if the person is someone who is not responsible for the reservoir of pain I carry around. Do I speak up, say how certain actions are hurtful? Say nothing for the ten thousandth time? I feel that I am a person deeply in debt, emotional debt and I don't know if I will ever become solvent. In the meantime, I don't want to frighten and hurt those who are in my daily life.

Need to proceed very slowly and gently with healing, to protect vital relationships. I will not speak in anger lest I hurt someone I love. I am learning to whisper a tiny bit louder so that people around me know when their actions have pushed me under when I am already close to drowning.

Happiness

Yay summer, for the person with manic depression!

I just feel happy today.

Hope all my loved ones are doing well.

*******